On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
