And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
