i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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