I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
