My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
