would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
