Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
