pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
