Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
