He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
