I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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