new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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