i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
