Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
