it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize