Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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