I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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