If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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