omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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