You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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