I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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