sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just high enough for therapy.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
