We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
