What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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