The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
