If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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