well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
