I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
