it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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