Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
