ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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