ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How does one acquire holy water?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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