and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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