We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize