I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
