In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
