dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
