please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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