Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
