I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
