Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
