And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
