Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
