I accidentally burped into my bong.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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