....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
