All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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