theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
