I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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