Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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