I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
