Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I smell stomach acid.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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