I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
