i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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