she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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