Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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