Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
