im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize