he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize