i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
tell me about the eggs
Randomize