Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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