Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
