she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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