Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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