So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
