Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In other news, I just burned my penis
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize