Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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