alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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