why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
