Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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