she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
