Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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