U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
