Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
